| Author |
Messages |
|
maallen3
Posts:8
 |
| 05/11/2010 10:56 AM |
|
One of the things I found most helpful in FWO was the examples of disrespect. I don't get it. I mean sometimes I know when I have been disrespectful but most of the time I have no clue! He has to get mad at me before I know that what I have done is disrespectful. I would love a list of disrespectful actions so I can prevent disrespect.
This is what I have put on my list so far. Any additions are welcome.
1. It is disrespectful to call anything a man likes silly or stupid (even if it is ).
2. It is disrespectful to explain to him how to do something he thinks he knows how to do.
3. It is disrespectful to throw away anything of a man's no matter how broken or usable it is.
|
|
|
|
|
Stan McCullars
Posts:3
|
| 06/29/2010 10:11 AM |
|
| If he is getting mad at you, could it be that it is not you who is being disrespectful? |
|
|
|
|
nazarene
Posts:5
|
| 06/30/2010 2:15 PM |
|
Hi! I made a list of some 25 things that a woman can do that is disrespectful to a man. I made it a while ago and it fits perfect as a response. I won't include them all. Here goes:
1. speaking in a childish tone- woman speaking down to a man as if he's a baby or needs teaching
2. angry tone or contemptuous tone
3. overly critical. criticism not preceded by praise. I think there should be a 4:1 ratio of praise to criticism whichever sex will do the criticism
4. overly questioning a man's decisions or behaviors "why, why". Comes across as untrusting
5. not respecting the man's needs for silence sometimes- always talking and demanding he listens. I mean sometimes he should, sometimes he wants to, when he knows you like it. Sometimes he needs to be alone, sometimes he is able to listen. But (and i find this with my mother) sometimes he wants to be near you, but not have to talk or listen.
6. withholding physical intimacy as punishment (or any sort of punishment for his just being a man)
7. requests or demands, with no equivalent give and take, quid pro quo
8. lack of EXPRESSION OF appreciation and gratitude, failure to acknowledgement- with the little things he does as much as the big things
9. An attitude of self-righteousness at any time. This causes penalty points to be given by him.
10. Not listening to his feelings, or rejecting his feelings, when he has revealed vulnerability, and when he says something from his heart that you don't like or approve of.
11. giving your best self to others- to your family, children, sister, parents, community or even strangers or pets, and not to him
12. teasing him in private, or much worse, in public, in front of others, especially men or those he most wants and needs respect from- those he works with especially
13. not thanking him enough. taking him for granted
14. not forgiving him when he feels remorse and regret.
15. attitude of condesention or superiority- or of victimhood -that he's patriarchical
16. under trusting him - either as honest, or as competent
17. not giving him chances he deserves.
18. magnifying his mistakes. not seeing him as the person he could become (which is largely what we need women for)
19. questioning how he does things
20. reducing his unique masculine (or individual) needs, disaffirming his masculinity
21. sharing intimate secrets with others, with the 'sisterhood' and not keeping important things private and sacred
22. not getting behind him as the leader, in times when this role would suit him
23. not appreciating his intellect or insight, but rather overvaluing or idealizing your 'intuition', as if his analyses count for little
24. saying (or thinking) "I told you so"
25. not giving him his needed space or 'cave time'.
26. sending him mixed signals, mixed messages. what man, in his courtships has never experienced this? (I am unfamiliar with married life)
27. talking too much when it taxes his ability to listen
28. demanding what means so little to you when it costs so much to him. (yes, this is not a gender issue- it cuts both ways, for the men reading this. I think this is one of the supidest things people do in human relationships)
29. probably the worst is withholding sex, putting trivial things above sex, and denigrating and misinterpreting his need for sex. Sex is what gives man megadoses of what he most needs. yes he can get doses from other areas, but sex from spouse should be what he can count on, and without it, won't he feel rejected, undesired? Not realzing both partners have responsibilities and sexual responsibility is one (marriagebed.com is interesting website). After all, he's supposed to be your 'BEST FRIEND!'. After all, he can't get intimacy anywhere else, supposing he has committed to monogomy, so by you withholding it when he wants it, you are putting him into a prison. then when you misunderstand his need and reason for it, and denigrate it and make him wrong or guilty for it- you are doing him a grave disservice and this is very hurtful and disrespectful. It's no wonder men's hearts begin to close in response to such coldness. True they may misinterpret the coldness, but it someone has to break the cycle
30. not returning his calls or emails, or letting him know where he stands w/ you, clearly and directly. Leaving him in the lurch, in limbo, in uncertainty and ambiguity. MEN LOVE DIRECTNESS. IT IS A SIGN OF RESPECT!. When a man is courting a woman, or in marriage and continuous courtship, the women should take responsibility for never letting him feel hopeless. once a man feels hopeless, in response to an unreceptive and unresponsive woman, he will back off, become ambivalent and just become passive. Yes there are men who need constant over-reassurance, perhaps from traumas,but in general, for normal healthy men, they need a dose of hope. they need to know they are not stalking a woman or being annoying or a pest. They need to know when they are doing well! And direct feedback when they are not, and that this feedback does not mean overall rejection- just that they should change their tact, but still pursue (if that's how she feels!).
31 .Trying to 'spare his feelings' by being indirect- which actually almost always hurts his feelings so much more in the long run. by being indirect, you are projecting your own insecurities into him, and subtly implying that he couldn't handle the truth, that he isn't man enough to face reality= and this is very disrespectful. A man, when he has something to say to another man, will be direct and straight and short and concise and pithy, if he doesn't want to come across as disrespectful
32. mothering him
33.not taking personal accountability for your own mistakes, displacing the blame onto him. displacement of blame is ALWAYS disrespectful, no matter what gender does it. being accusatory or standoffish, hostile or bitter
34. Impossible or contradictory demands are ALWAYS disrespecful. Who but Jesus Christ could meet them, and sometimes not even he is capable, if they are contradictory. This is very disrespectful. Unrealistic expectations gleaned from your own imagination, or from radical victim feminism or romance novel pornography
NOTHING IS SEXIER TO A MAN THAN A WOMAN'S COMPLETE TRUST IN HIM AND THAT HE FEELS NEEDED BY HER. MORE SEXY THAN ALL THE MAKEUP AND LINGERE AND PERFUME AND BALLROOM DRESSES. EVEN GIVES LOOKS AND BEAUTY A RUN FOR IT'S MONEY, IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. DON'T BELIEVE ME- TEST IT OUT!
35. not rewarding the committments he has and does make to you, Overlooking, minimizing or trivalizing his contributions and exaggerating your own ones. this, like so many of the other things listed, leads to penalty points,
I must post it now ere my time runs out. |
|
|
|
|
nazarene
Posts:5
|
| 06/30/2010 2:16 PM |
|
| Good luck with the men in your life. In addition to trusting him, his feeling understood is very sexy and an act of love and respect, that you try to understand him |
|
|
|
|
Grant I.
Posts:141
|
| 08/15/2010 7:50 PM |
|
| WOW! I think nazarene pretty much covered it all! VERY good list. |
|
|
|
|
|